Episode 9: How to navigate the messy Middle

**This transcript has not been fully edited yet, but I wanted it to be available. So there will be some grammar errors. Please read with grace :-)

AJ, hello, hello. Hello, lovely friends. Welcome to the OH MY GOODNESS podcast with me. Aj, Smit, I hope you are having a good week. And by good week, I don't always mean because when people talk about did you have a good week, it's like they're asking, did all your ice cream flavors show up at the store? Or did you have the perfect date? Or did you get the job like we have these expectations of good when I'm asking about if you had a good week this, did it feel good the way that you showed up in your week, in the way that you navigated things, in the way that you treated yourself.

So today, we're going to be talking about something I talk about often, and it's the messy middle. And a lot of people don't like the messy middle or the in between, because it's uncertain and we're living, you know, you hear it, I'm sure you get 1000 emails of in these unprecedented but at this point it's kind of precedented times, x, y, z, or never before seen, but also seen before, another thing like this. Or, how are we ever going to choose?

And it's like, here is the deck. We were down. We cannot control a lot of it. And as frustrating, that is to say, because if you're in my generation of in your 30s, we were raised with dystopian novels where it's like one person could save it all. And I think the reality of I'm finding is we each have these roles to play. We each have parts to sing, right? There's a thing going around about a choir, and people stop singing to catch their breath, and then they hop in. But if everybody's sustaining the note, the note keeps on going, because people are breathing at different times, and when we feel like we have to take on everything or do everything perfectly, or else the whole world is going to fall or else I'm going to let all these people down, babes, that's a lot on our shoulders.

We cannot carry that forever. And I'd love to invite a new way of looking at how we're moving through things, because when we have these in between moments, a lot of people discard them as useless times, these are actually some of my favorite times. Is that a true statement? Apparently it is because we don't often get the gift of pause time. I think I've mentioned this before, that we don't, as a society, have the downtime to integrate and process conversations things we're learning like we did even 50 minutes ago.

There's always sound, there's always music, there's always TV, there's always something, which is why I like my sanctuary days, which I'll probably make a podcast well, but my sanctuary days, if you don't know me personally, are two days a week that I do most of the time, that I take off with social media, Instagram, email, phone, all the stuff. And sometimes I work on business stuff. I myself some client stuff. I might do some cleaning. Might go to the forest, might go to spa. It just kind of depends, but it's time where I'm not responding to people. People can still email me. I just won't respond for two days, and it's like, Oh, okay. Nobody's gonna die, nobody's it's all gonna work out. It is okay.

When we lived in Hawaii, Jeremy's grandma died, and we found out, I don't know, eight hours later, because our funds were on, do not disturb, and we woke up to miss calls, and we found out later, and we were able to make it to the funeral. There are other funerals we haven't been able to make because we're a military family, right? And there's that in between. But I say this because, and this might sound harsh, but work with me that eight hours didn't matter in that the the situation was the same, whether we would have found out at the very start that she had passed away, or when we found out that the statement, the story is still the same, right?

And and so when we have these moments in time to pause and listen, we might feel like we're missing out on things. But what if we trust that whatever information we need to know, we will know it when we know it, we get so worked up. And y'all, I'm coming when I was in my burnout, and even before, gosh, I've had panic attacks and anxiety attacks for man Germany, yeah, yeah. I think a lot of them kind of started, and yeah, Germany, because I was so worried about, am I being a good enough Christian?

Am I doing good enough. Is everybody gonna love me? What if I get to so, like, so many things are just spiral and panic and break down and cry, and I haven't had one in years, thank God. But, like, it's a process, but we get so nervous about taking time to breathe and process and think because we're nervous, we're going to miss something. You might miss things, but if it's meant for you, if you're meant to know the information, let's trust that we're going to know the information when we get to it.

Okay, so that relates to the missing middle. Let's get into it when we're in the middle of it. And I'm also coming to this as a military spouse. This is our seventh eighth move. Seventh move with a military eighth move, all over. I grew up living in one place, in one city for the first 18 years of my life. Well, we moved from New York when I was like two, but that doesn't really count, and then we moved houses three times, growing up and but still in the same city, in the same city, in the same school. I went to the same school for the first 18 years, and I always thought, oh, man, wouldn't that be so cool to be the new kid at school, because you could change your name or, like your vibe and like, nobody knows that silly thing that you did in seventh grade or second grade or whatever. And so I was always jealous of the new kids.

So, when I got to college, I was asked on my first day of school, and there were some people who knew me who went to my same school or went to schools near me, and they were like, Okay, what's your name? They called out, you know. And they're like, Amber ferry. And I was like, Hi here. And they're like, What would you like to be called? And I was like, oh, oh, you're asking me this question, because it's always just been, you know. And I was like, AJ, and they're like, Okay, sounds good. And they just went to the next person, like, it was nothing, but my whole world shifted. World shifted. And there's these in between moments that give us that pause to say, Who do you want to be?

How do you want to show up here? When we're in a new place or with new friends or things, we have this opportunity to ask, How do I want to show up? Sometimes messy middle moments come up and smack us like a wet fish in the face, which you're maybe like, AJ, oh, that's a that's a metaphor. But sometimes it feels like I feel slimy. It feels so funny. It's like, why is that mean to me? What? Why?

But when we're like, oh, this is a moment to evaluate, to say, is this working? How do we want to be here? And I remember thinking in high school, I was happy, go lucky. Everything was great. Everything was perfect. I always said yes to everything. Like, yeah, no problem. I got that because I ran high naturally, and I also liked it. I liked making people happy, right? Sometimes, some people, when they read my book, they take it as a judgment that this is how I used to be. And I was like, No, this was it worked out great. And also, I did not have any boundaries. I didn't often stick up for myself. I was crushed when friends said no, because all of my self approval relied on outside approval, right?

And so when I got to college and was like, Okay, I'm going to be AJ who feels her feelings, y'all, I did not know what I know now. I thought I was feeling feelings anyways, and I allowed myself to be like, No, I don't like that. Or, Oh, I'm more like this, because I would just shape shift to whatever any anybody needed. And it was fine, but in college, I set a new tone. And now when we move to a new place, I get I get to be the new kid again, like I get so outrageously excited and I do an audit.

And so maybe you're moving jobs, maybe you're moving countries, like I am. I'm currently. Our movers come tomorrow is today Monday. Today's Monday. Our movers come in two days. And in 10 days, we are moving to Mississippi, Biloxi, Mississippi, and we're in the middle of are we going to buy a house? Are we going to buy? Are we going to rent? Are like all these in betweens in the middle of April 2025, and all the things that entails with the states and in the south, right? And I feel okay, and I had this reframe today where it's, what if we say, I feel okay, or I feel safe, or I feel X, Y, Z, despite all these things, right? I have joy despite, but it up. But what if it's an even with, because I'm a firm believer of we are paradox people.

Mama Gena has this reference of your whole 88 keys of expression. We're playing a whole piano. We're playing a whole album for only playing happy songs. What happens when you feel sad and you don't know how to play those keys? What happens when you're just playing sad music, but you're kind of craving some joy, but you don't know how to key change, but it. Do, but if we have the whole expanse of the 88 keys, then we don't guilt ourselves for feeling the hard and feeling the good. We let it all belong, because it's all on the keyboard, right? And so even with all these moving pieces, I feel grounded in good because I've been doing my energetic Yep, keep I've got my friends. I'm leaning back, I'm taking naps, going to the gym, training for a marathon.

I'm not going to do a marathon while I'm here. Well, maybe I don't know. We'll see. But the idea is that it doesn't have to mean anything more than you make it mean. Sometimes we put stories on things and then we start sparring. Oh, okay, I'm in this move because I'm bad, and because this never works out for me and but and like, we get in these loops of this is how it always is, and this is how it's always going to be, and I never get and it's like, okay, but is that serving you? Is that story helping you grow? And I hear this so often with clients and people, and it's like, Oh, I'm just broken, or this is just how I am, right? This is just my trauma.

And if you can take one takeaway from my podcast, may it be that you stop saying, Oh, I'm just always like, x, y, z, because then you're putting yourself in a box and you're like, Gorilla gluing the top. What if it's this has been a pattern in my past that I'm noticing. Because I bet you're 50 bucks you didn't notice in the past. You were just like, oh, this is happening again. Put it out, and now you're like, This always happens to me in the past, because it's a pattern that I've done. What's happening here? That this keeps happening? What can I shift? How do I want to show up in this now? Oh, look, it's coming back around.

There's this idea that got introduced to me a couple years ago, and I love it, because when I would come back and stumble over something that I needed healing about, or a fear I had, and I was like, Oh, my Oh, I've been over this. I've done this. Why do I gotta do this again, I feel like I solved this. And they were like, what if you're spiraling up? What if you have a new capacity to look at this in a way you didn't before? What if there's a new level of healing here?

And it's not like you're broken and we gotta keep fixing it, because the duct tape you put on it last time doesn't work. But Oh, last time we put duct tape to stop the leak. Now, you're trained in welding, and you can weld it, right? Do you see the energetic difference of how we're approaching things, when things come back around, or when we have those in between moments of like, whoa, hey. What am I noticing here? Right? Okay, the second part of this is, I don't even know if I'm on two or three.

So just work with me here. Walking here is, let's step back and what's here, what emotions are here, what stories are here. And like this is sorting time. This is sacred space, because when we move every three years, y'all the amount of stuff you accumulate in three years. I don't even feel like I buy a lot. I'm a thrift shop girl. You give me 10 bucks and you send me into a thrift shop, I will be happy as a clam, five bucks, like some of my favorite people, like, where you get your clothes from? I'm like, most the time it thrift shops or like SCA events or affairs. Like, this is where I get my clothes and clearance racks.

When we have this in between time, it is clear the space time. There are so many things we've thrown away, we've donated, we've given to friends. There are things I've released that I love, but I'm like, I haven't worn this in a few years. May it bring you joy? Even last night, some friends took things and they're like, Are you sure you wore this this week? And I was like, I know, but it is. It is time. Like, here you go. Just make sure you wear, um, two weeks, I sold go. I sold my Miss Iowa dress from 2008 that was a big moment. That was like a releasing of like, okay, we're passing this on.

So if you're in the in between, let's get out some paper, and I'm going to give you some questions. The transcript will be up on the website that you can kind of review. But if you're driving, don't worry. I'm gonna say these, and I'm gonna kind of hash it out and just see what comes up for you, right? So we're in the messy middle, whatever that means for you. So bring it to mind if you're like, I just broke up with a boyfriend, or I'm going through a divorce, or I'm moving, or I'm thinking about switching my jobs, or I just had a friendship leave.

Or maybe you're not really in the middle of anything, but you feel a nudge that something is coming, a change in the wind says, I right. This is your moment. Can we take a moment to say I am safe to do some reviewing. Like, hey, what if this is a chance to see what's working, what's not right. Just like we have audits at work, we have this moment to be like, Hmm, what's working, what's not working. So first question, what's working? What have you loved about this?

Past season, maybe you had a boyfriend and you're like, Oh my gosh. The way that they touched me or cared for me or made me feel seen was so great. Or maybe the way they asked about my life made me feel really good. Maybe it was job and it's like, oh man, I loved the challenge. There was always something new, always something different happening. Maybe it's a place, Oh, I loved the nature here. I loved the cherry blossoms and how they change in the different seasons, like I got really in tune with the different changes of the seasons and how it impacted me, right?

So what's working? What do you want to take with you? I think of these in between moments and these new stages. I think of them as video game levels. Maybe you're not much of a video game player. That's okay. I like Disney Dream light valley, but not anymore, because they made the quest like so much. It went from like, collect 10 clay to collect 200 play. Nobody has time for that. Barbara, nobody has time for that. So I haven't played it since then, because, like, I'm really angry, and I was like, I'm done anyways.

So I think of it like a video game level. In a video game, you have to collect certain things to be able to upscale up level, up level, to go to the next level to complete something. You need to make the sword. You need to have a fishing pole. You need to have met this person and had this conversation. Right? So what am I taking from this level that is helping me evolve as a human being? And if you're like, Well, I'm just fine. I'm never evolving. Okay, then, like, maybe you should go listen to the inner critic podcast episode, because if we are so stuck on. We are not changing, and I'm just who I am, and people gotta suck it up. How's that working for you? And I don't even mean this in a hard way, but somebody said this to me the other day, and then she was talking about friendship and just some different stuff and some conversations.

And I was like, Yeah, but wouldn't you want to grow? And she's like, people can take me or leave me. Okay? And this is also a conglomeration of many conversations I have, so this is not a specific call up, sort of like we had this conversation. This is multi so many people I've chatted with, this with, but it's like, okay, sure, but if I have spinach in my teeth and I can feel it, I want to get the spinach out of my teeth. And also, if there's things that can make me smell better or things that make me feel good, wouldn't I want to expand in that so that I feel better when I'm around people, but also other people feel better around me. If I get activated by people around me who do something that reminds me of a past person and I react harshly. Wouldn't I want to cultivate new resources so that the new person doesn't get the lash out from my reaction, right? We can always learn and grow.

It's not that you're broken because that's harmful. It's not that we have to fix you. It's how do I want to grow? What have I learned here? How have I become a better human in my time here? And if you're like, there's nothing I learned. Y'all Okay, let's have a moment. Sometimes we learn what we don't like. There have been instances where I've done something or been involved in something where I'm like, Well, now I know what I don't want to do. That is equally good information, because you don't know what you don't know until you don't until you know it right. And sometimes we get hard on ourselves when you're like, I should have known better and put it up like, should you have?

What if this was the moment for you to learn your lesson? What if this was the moment for you to grow? And so there is some way, shape or form that you've grown. And also we can get really hard on ourselves and be like, I didn't learn anything. There was nothing there. I'm just the same because I made this mistake and I'm so stupid. But stop, stop. Stop with the shame spiral. No, no. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200 we're not doing that today. Take off the cloak. Pause. Let's be vulnerable. How have you grown man? I lost a friend, and that really hurt. I didn't show up in the way that I wanted. To, and I lost her because of that, and because I wasn't able to have that conversation, I also learned what kind of friends I want in my life.

That's a hard but true reflection on how you've grown. Do you see how it can be the both hand, it can be the sticky, but also like, hey, in the future, I want to make sure that my friendships have those conversations up front on expectations, and that if I'm feeling frozen, I feel safe enough to have that conversation with them. If we can have that grace to ask ourselves, what are we taking from this? What are we learning here in Korea?

I learned so many things, prioritizing myself. We got our emotional sobriety under our belt. The kind of groups I want to be involved in, the kind of friends I want to have, boundaries, business, stuff, more faith, trust than I've ever had in my life. Oh, my goodness. Who the deep rooting into okay, it's me and God, it's me and spirit like anybody else. It's okay. It's okay if they don't want me like y'all, when I tell you I had to have I have had the scariest conversations in my life here in Korea, hands down, by far.

Um, and I've grown so much because I said at the end of the day, if you can't walk with me here, if you can be with me here in this I understand, and I really see, like it is okay, and and some people left, and some people stayed, but saying that, Oh my gosh. I mean, I could cry right now, and like the responses were varied, but also the ones that were kind were so loving, and I felt so seen. And there was also surprising moments, because when we acknowledge how we've grown, we're able to acknowledge when other people have grown, when we can give ourselves grace. We also give other people grace. And sometimes we're like, I give everybody else grace, but not myself.

Okay, then, like, flip it. But sometimes we hold other people to standards that we're also like, crucifying ourselves to and saying, I have to do this, otherwise I'm bad and terrible, and I'm never gonna if that go if you're like, I don't know what you're talking about, go listen to the inner critic episode. But if it's that I'm bad and I'm better and I never that loud, fast voice, that's fear and shame. Thank you so much. Thank you for being here. Swipe so swipe like we're not listening to that voice right now. That's unhelpful. So how have we grown? How are we gonna take that with us? Video game loves. I know I was there for a minute, but I think when we have that moment, then we're consciously showing up with that in mind, and then our next it's very easy to forget what we've learned.

I talked about I've talked about this in a couple different spaces that end capping, learning can help us cement it into our bodies and our nervous systems. So what did I learn? How do I want to implement that? How am I taking it with me? What does that look like? How do I want to show up? How is that going to change how I interact with people, how I interact with myself? Okay, I set some boundaries here, but I'm about to go to a new place. I got to get my business up and running again. Am I just going to go going to go all the time? What does my sanctuary days look like?

How do my how my conversations with friends go? Am I leading with sobriety? Am I leading with my faith and being like, hi, I you know, I fall under the pagan umbrella now. Like, would you like to be friends with me? There are people that probably will say no, and I probably also will not lead with that all the time, right? Like there's some awareness of what we say when we say it, but also what our priorities are and how we're showing up.

So if we know what we've learned, and then how we're going to, like, implement and expand that, oh, icing on the cake, because then we're being intentional. Oh, so good, so good, right? I hope you're nodding, because, like, I'm nodding, okay, what do I want to release? What are we letting go of? What do we want to have a lantern moment for? And like, be free, Fly like the wind, Bullseye. Because, oh, there are things I'm leaving behind. Juice. And so what are those? You know, maybe this is work, and you're like, I over committed by a lot. I said yes to things that I cannot here in Korea.

I said yes to some things that I should not have, or maybe not in the timing. That was great. There are things that, like, I got in my head about, um, that I'm leaving behind, that next time I'm just gonna be like, let's just make the event. I would love to have hosted more dinners, more gatherings, more parties here. And then I kept looking for the perfect time, or like, okay, but like, maybe here, or maybe then, or what works for people, I should have just put something on the calendar, right? So something I'm taking forward is more spontaneity in gatherings, because so often I'm running sacred space that that's how I kind of look at everything. It's like it's not on the calendar, it's not on the schedule, which is true, but also, you can throw anything on the calendar, right? And so I'm leaving behind that, okay?

But what will people think or want or things I'm leaving behind here? The need to explain myself. If people want to ask, I'm happy to share, but I'm not defending myself. There's a difference between explaining and sharing and being like. Here's my perspective and where I come from, but if I have to be on the defense, no, either we're coming together as equals, where we're prioritizing our relationship and who we are as people, and we can ask curious questions, and we can have hard conversations, right? I'm down for those, but only if they're rooted in a mutual agreement of the other person's soul is good.

We are each doing our best and that we love each other and we want a relationship to work, our friendship to work. If it's not rooted on that, I don't want it. And that's something I'm taking with me, is I'm leaving behind the need to please people who do not have my best interest in mind and do not care. Yeah, and some people think they care, but actually they care about how it looks, and I'm not interested in those conversations.

Okay, how do I want to show up? How do you want to show up in this in between time? And how do you want to show up in the future? So let's break it down in this in between, how do I want to show up? Melanie and Larry had this thing the other day. And then I think I've mentioned this on the past podcast really well. Said this too. Like, what is future you version? How is she showing up now? What would she do? What would they do?

And so future me is a leering I actually found the shirt you're if you're not watching, this is like, a jean kind of shirt, um, like a denim me, and it's got this wash but every time I see future me, she's got these cool earrings. She's got this white hair, and it's kind of curling some braids and, like, little blue tips, great earrings, red lipstick, a jean shirt, and like, pants, which always blows my mind, because I'm like, hair and pant girls, but she always got real pants on. I'm like, okay, bold move. But she's just got this chill, totally with herself, vibe that I love.

And she's like, there's no rush. It's okay. It's all gonna get figured out in the end. I'm like, How are you not freaking out right now? Do you see all this craziness? She's like, Yeah, and you'll have more information when you got, like, it all work out and, um, and so what does future you because sometimes we're like, I don't know. Like, when we're spiraling, pause, if you are spiraling, you need to do the next right thing. But sometimes we're like, I don't know what the next right thing is. I'm getting ahead of myself. But hold on, yeah, let's pause here. So when we have these moments of, I don't even know how I want to show up here because, AJ, everything is out of control. Great question. I'm so glad you asked that.

When everything feels out of control, we got to slow down time. And you're like, I don't have time. Everything's rushed, I know, but when it's that out of control, it's almost imperative that you slow down so that you can figure out where your feet are. You cannot scout ahead on a ship or be like, Okay, here's our mooring, here's our plan, whatever. If you literally don't know where you are in the ocean, at some point, you have to stop and say, enough is enough? Where the where am I? What's going on? What's around me, what's here, what is reality? Because I'm going to say this, you might not like it.

A lot of times when we get squirrely and so round up and overwhelmed, it's because we're caught up in an alternate reality. We're saying it shouldn't be like this, and it should be over here. And like, why is this all this and like? It shouldn't be like that girl, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. But if we can be like, release that come back to center, what is here? What is happening? What are the actual timelines? I have an actual timeline of movers are here in two days. Should I be recording this podcast right now, yes, because this is on my mind. But also some people would be like, you gotta pack, you gotta move, you gotta go. And it's like, okay. But also, this has been on my mind for a few days to record anyway, so I'm gonna have more capacity to focus and be intentional with what clothes I'm packing for my six months out of my suitcase than if I didn't record this and then try to remember it later. Does that make sense?

So what's what's here? What are your timelines? What's reality? Maybe you're like, I thought I was gonna move with somebody else, and now I'm not like, or I thought I was gonna have this job in the middle of the season, and now I don't, okay. What are our finances? What are our housing situation look like? What are upcoming trips like, lay it all out. And if you're like, AJ, don't like journaling, or things like that.

Y'all, I'm telling you, I don't care if you don't like journaling. I'm not asking you to Victorian journal. I'm asking you to get a marker and a piece of paper and get messy, make a little mind map, just write all of the stuff down, because when it's out of our head, it stops moving. And then can be like, okay, and as scary as it is to look at the finances part of it, or the housing part of it, all of it, right? Because it can feel freezing.

I am so seeing you that in the messy middle, looking at those things makes it real, makes it terrifying. A, it's already real. B, the further out it goes, the bigger it's going to get. Fear expounds on fear. And so you're not actually afraid of the thing. It's the fear of of the thing. Does that make sense? Like you're afraid of the fear because the fear is eating us. But once you see the thing, it's like, shit, you know, sorry for Sorry. It's like, oh, that's not what I wanted. But then you're like, okay, okay, here's what I got. Okay, what do I need to do to make that happen?

Then you can get into planning mode, fix it mode. Like, okay, what do I need? Let's get real. Let's get serious. Or, okay, that's not as bad as I thought. Okay. Do you see how either way, that's a huge energetic shift of, like, Ah, I know. But like, maybe, and you're frozen in this in between space, the more clear and concise you can get about what's actually. Here can help you? Be like, Okay, if I have to move in a week, what do I need to do next?

And then it's like, I need to donate these things. I need to call this person. I need to get a home. I need make your list. Write it all out. After you make that list, maybe make a new list, and you re sort but so often the messy middle we get tangly because we don't sit down and pause and say, what's actually here, right? There's the emotional sorting of, who was I, who am I becoming, who do I want to be here? And then there's the actual tangible things of it, of what am I actually leaving? What needs to go to, the garbage, recycling, donation, gift, whatever. And then what do I need on that side? We gotta buy a bed, mattress. What do you call this? The thing under the bed? Bed Frame? Oh, we'll probably just sleep on floor.

But if we rent in Mississippi, we don't have a washing machine and a dryer, so we're gonna have to get one. Those are the logistics, right? We're shipping our dogs, so I have their medical things appointment, they we have our borders. We have our does how many sense? Like, there's the logical things, and it can be very overwhelming if you don't have those written out or to plan for them. And if that feels scary, y'all body doubling, get a friend, get a mentor, get somebody be like, I've been putting this off, and I'm totally freaking out about it. Pleasure cushion it. Can you have a dance break? Can you get some pizza?

And be like, Okay, we're planning. We're gonna sit all down. We're gonna have the hard conversations. We're gonna figure this out. We're gonna map it out. If you don't, she came in like a wrecking ball. Like, sometimes it'll just be chaos. I'm lucky with military they come in and move everything, except not with home safe, which, if you are a military person, moving with home safe. Like, may the odds be ever in your favor. If you don't know what I'm talking about Google, because it's this is a sidebar. People say they support the military, but then the legislation and what's actually happening is a lot of military families are ending up in homes with mold. We show up and our things have been packed incorrectly. People are missing 1000s of dollars worth of things.

The new moving company underbid other companies by 50% and is taking over the entire United States, and so we don't actually have certified movers. So people are losing 1000s and 1000s of dollars worth of items. It's rough. It's rough right now. So that's what's happening with that, not to mention our veterans and everything that's happening there. Back to focus. So when we have our tangible things, that's going to help us have some clarity on how we want to move forward. When you have that clarity, you then have the awareness and space to say, okay, and then how do I want to do that?

Because we can go grocery shopping hungry, or we can go to grocery shopping after we've had some food to eat. You know, the difference just as good as I do on what gets added to our grocery shopping cart when we do that, right? I can do this frantic, or I can show up and be like, okay, maybe I have to let go of these things and these commitments so I that I can show up with more grace. I have been sleeping more lately because my body, as I'm processing it, is just needing more rest. I've missed out on a couple of things that I really enjoy doing because I'm like, I just need to sleep, and then I just let myself rest. And I'm not making a story about it or too much. I'm just like, hey, there's a lot of moving pieces with this. It is okay. So let me know how this has been helpful for you, or what you're thinking about. Because when we're pulling in kind of future, how are we showing up? How would future me handle this moment? How can I step into that? How can I invite more grace and ease. What do you want in this season of in between? What do you what is the story you want to tell in five years about this time? How do you want to look back on this in a week, in a month?

There's this story from chicken soup with a teenage soul, I think, a long time ago, and it was like in either one month, one week, one year, five years, 100 years, whatever, this is going to be history. This is going to be done this season, this period. It might feel so big rain now, but it'll be history. How do you want to show up and how do you want to get to the other side? If you can ask those questions, honestly, it'll be a lot easier. It'll be a lot easier.

As somebody who's walked through many messy middles, think of it is like hair dye. My hair is currently blue, although I am growing it up, which is been in stone experience. But for a long while, I would just get my roots bleached, and then I'd go home and I put on the blue or the purple myself. But I would walk out of that salon looking to like Draco Malfoy had a spell backfire on him to be a mermaid, right? Because it was like white blonde and then blue. That's the messy meal. Is like, sometimes you're in this middle stage where, like, this is not what I wanted, but then you put on the hair dye, you let it sit for 45 minutes. Sometimes we gotta wait.

Sometimes there's no action to do except waiting. I know sometimes we don't like hearing that, but sometimes the best thing to do is say, hmm, I don't. Have all the information yet. This is going to take some time to develop. What else can I do in this moment? Right? And then I wash my hair, and then, bam, purple, gorgeousness. I'm like, Ah, here she is. Does that make sense? So what if we have a moment where, when things go wrong, because things do this is life. Sometimes things don't go to plan. We just laugh and say, This is the bleach hair dye moment. This is the messy middle. AJ mentioned this. Okay, how do I want to show up? What's here? What's needed? Do I need a pause? Do I need to take action? Do I need more clarity? How do I want to show up in this moment?

I know that's a lot of questions, but it'll get easier the more you do it, because just because everybody else is freaking out doesn't mean we need to freak out. Panicking usually doesn't help anything. And if you're like, I can't not panic, remember, slow down. What do you need in this moment? Have you eaten? halto Episode Two? I think, hungry, angry, lonely, tired, overwhelmed. Do you need a nap? Do you need some food? Can we call on a friend you know? Call the audience like, just have grace for yourself.

We are in a big season of life, my friends, this year there's a lot of change. Things are changing. Things are moving. We're gonna keep moving forward, whether we get forced in, like the flood of it all, or we make ourselves a little life raft. Or we hop on a boat like time is going to keep moving. How do we want to move with it? How do we want to show up?

How can we be more intentional, more kind, more tender and gentle with ourselves? And just breathe. I know that might seem so silly in the span of it all.

I'm telling you, three big breaths. Or go outside. Put your feet on the grass, go for a dance break, shake it out, talk to a friend, hug somebody, hug a dog, and sometimes just acknowledging, wow, this sucks. This messy middle sucks. Can just also help you? Like, yeah, it does okay. Now that I've acknowledged it sucks. What do we want to do next? Right?

Like, let's not fight ourselves on what reality is. Sometimes it's not very fun. Sometimes there's things that you're like, Oh, I wish this little isn't happening right now. Hmm, but it is. If it is, what do we do need to do next? Right? Sing your soul song, friends. Have a marvelous day. Eat your cake, eat your carrots, drink your water, and go live your best lives.

And let me know how this resonates for you. If you're like, Oh, my friend needs this cool, send it to them and be like, sending you love and TLC, you got this like, hands at your back. Post on your thing. Tag me. Leave a review or comment. I love hearing how this is resonating with you.

So if you want to have a conversation, please don't hesitate to reach out means a lot that you've listened, and I'm happy to help in whatever way I can. This is my part of holding the thread is to remind you that you are worthy of goodness and Your soul is good and that you are worthy of being here.

Love you guys. Bye. You.