Ep. 7: Five Tools to use when feeling confused

**This transcript was created by Otter.ai and has not yet been edited for reading flow. Please read with grace and enjoy!

Hi friends. I'm Aj, Smit the joy Weaver, and welcome to my podcast. Oh, my goodness, I'm excited. You're here today. I'm laughing because I had a client this morning. She sent me a message, and she's like, What do I do? What do I do when I just feel overwhelmed? And so I told her, some different tools and some different ideas. And then I was like, You know what? I should really make a cheat sheet, because we forget, we forget what we learn, and we forget the tools that we have at our disposal.

Like we are smart human beings, we are capable, we are amazing, and sometimes more like, What's my name? Where do I live? What's my phone number, if you're a military spouse like me, that question actually trips me up all the time. People are like, where do you live? And I'm like, or they're like, where are you from? I'm like, well, like, Well, right now I'm from, you know, but we forget the tools at our disposal because our body's going to fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and then we're like, I just feel stuck.

And you are fully capable human being, but all you can think of is, I should be doing something, but I don't know what. So what I'm doing for my one on one clients right now is I'm making this sheet. I just started 30 minutes ago, and it's already seven pages long, and I just started so, but I was like, Man, this would be such great tools to throw on the podcast as well for some of them, because sometimes we just need, like, those, those little reminders, those easy things that can reach for. Do you remember? Okay, so growing up, some of you may laugh. You might have grown up like me, where, if you're when your body's in that half sleep half awake mode, it's that sleep parallel paralysis, that sleep paralysis. And so I grew up thinking it was like demons trying to attack me, but also, like, that's also your body. Like, what is it?

Your mind's awake, but your body started sleeping, so your your neurons are firing differently. There's something scientifically happening that I remember reading. I was like, okay, so I wasn't about to get attacked. And like, I also believe in spiritual warfare. So like, I'm here for the both ends. So please don't at me about all the things. Because, like, yes, spread your salt, plead the blood of Jesus. Like, guard your gates, protect your doors, and also, like, put out your offerings, right? Like, do, do your whole nine yards in whatever way feels good for you. But the point is, what they said in the article was to wiggle your pinky toe. And you might be thinking, Yeah, but like, I feel like I'm about to die. Or, like, but I gotta move.

No, no, you get out of it by wiggling your pinky toe or your pinky finger. Your pinky finger, almost might even be too close. It's like the furthest, smallest thing you can do, because then that allows movement to enter to more of your body, and, like, up your legs, and then it's like, okay, okay. Like, you know, sometimes it's like, you can't even whisper, right? And so I tried that the next time it happened. And also, like, if you sleep on your back, like the way that your breath is, it's different stuff.

So usually, if I sleep on my side or on my stomach, I don't have this issue, but if I sleep on my back, and so I think we should come at this when we're in freeze flight, faux or just just, you know what I'm trying to say that, let's take the pinky toe approach to make it accessible. And I talked about this at the edu LARP conference. And I talk about this all the time, about access points, because we have this all or nothing mindset. If I can't flip around my attitude, which was on the cultivating Joy episode. If you didn't listen to that yet, go for it, because it's a great episode about how we get stuck in this all or nothing mindset.

But the same thing can happen when we're confused or angry, or we're like, I'm just trying to connect. And we're like, but I should be having this esthetic experience. And it's like, sure, but if we're angry, things that kind of allow us to kind of settle back in are super helpful or super helpful, and also sometimes we can't do the journaling. If we're like, ready to burn a building, right? Like, if we're just like, where's my core cup holders? Like, we're expecting, it's like, it's like, expecting my preschoolers or my kindergarteners to come in and work on math immediately after recess. It's not happening. They need transition time. Your body needs transition times.

You are an adult toddler. Your nervous system is the same as the toddlers, not really, but essentially, you need play, you need rest, you need food, you need hydration. When we ignore this, it is at your own peril, and you're like, why don't I feel good? The amount of times people come to me in sessions and say, I just feel off lately, and I'm like, Whoa, are we drinking water? Are we having food? Are we sleeping? They're like, well. Know, my friend, you are not a robot. I love you. I love your enthusiasm. I love how hard y'all go after it. I really do. I am also go team go.

And I bought the burnout t shirt, and I don't want it for you. It's very Itchy and Scratchy. Don't No. Go back like, ah. Sometimes I just, I wish sometimes, there was a way to plug into other people, to experience what they've experienced, so that we believe them, that you you don't have to go until you crash. I was talking to somebody today, and he was just like, I'm just, you know, I just want to make everybody else happy, make sure everybody else is okay. And he's like, I'm, I'm doing this actual working out. And he's like, I'm just, I, you know, I feel off because I'm not working out, I'm not doing any of the things that I love. And I'm like, Okay, well, what's your goal?

What are you working towards? He's like, Well, you know, I'll be something when everybody's happy and every everybody's successful and everybody's happy and like, cool, where, where are you in this equation? He's like, Well, I just want to make sure everybody else is okay. I want to take care of everybody else. I'm like, okay, cool. Again, I ask, Where are you also in this happy, successful and like so often we put our dreams on everybody else, and we're like, I'm fine, I'm good, I'm fine. Are we? Are we? Hmm, so if you're like, I am confused. I'm just feeling stuck. I'm overwhelmed, but like, it should be cool.

Let's let's scrap this should be what is reality? What is reality? If reality is that we're feeling this, then like, okay, yeah, that does suck. Like, can we just say out loud that sucks, because so often we're like, I feel like this, but I shouldn't, okay, but a part of you does feel like this and and, like, I've talked about parts work all that jazz that there's parts of ourselves, right? We got our our big soul, selfish. You're like, AJ, I don't know what big soul self is. I think I talked about it previously, but if I didn't let me know, we can talk about it. Your big soul self is in here, right?

Your your soul, your essence, your goodness. Because remember, your soul is good, this is important for what comes next. If your soul is good, then these parts that pop up that like, we lash out, or we hide, or we disappear, or we said something we regret, or we got really weird and squirrely when we had to, like, do something we made a mistake, and then we didn't want to own up to it the whole nine yards, right? We can feel like those parts are bad if they're spoken out loud, because we're like, but I don't totally believe that. But also I feel betrayed because my friend did this thing, and, like, butter, we don't want to say it out loud, because I'm like, Well, my friend's not bad.

I understand why she did it, because another part is seeing, Hey, my friend was trying her best, but she really dropped the ball on this, right? But, like, also, I kind of dropped the ball on this. So I understand all the like, you're trying to hold court for all of it, but this one part that's just feeling betrayed in the sad little panda is just like, just so tired, and I just want to be heard. And we're like, no, it's fine. It's fine. But if we literally just went, Hey, what do you want to say? And it's like, Oh, I'm so I'm so upset because my friend sat with somebody else, and then didn't call me and but at all, and then this other thing, and then she she left my message on red, and then she didn't respond. And then when I saw her next, she acted like everything was fine, but, AJ, you just let her roll, and then she's like, and I'm just, it just sucks. I'm just really sad.

Yeah, that does suck. I can see why you would feel sad, man, that's really hard. Uh, Chuck and mud with you, and you can feel that part, that part of you in real time. Go, yeah, thanks. Like, sometimes we literally just want to be hurt. Half of my work in coaching is just listening. Is just listening and validating stuff. Like, yeah, that does suck. Because sometimes it just does suck. Sometimes things are just awesome, and sometimes things just suck. Sometimes I don't most of the time it's both and but what happens?

We get confused when we're not allowing the different parts to speak up when we're not allowing ourself to say the quiet parts out loud, when we're just like, yeah, yeah, but it should be like this. But then you're like, you can't see me unless you're watching the YouTube video. But you're like, tied up like this, and you're just like, yeah, yeah, but no, no, no, that can't go out there. We can't see that. We can't say that. And so you're holding everything in and then somebody asks you a question. You explode everywhere. And then we're surprised, but then we're like, Well, I didn't know how I felt until just now, when it all came out, because you asked me, but I mean, you got pushed. I like, I couldn't. How could I do you see how it like builds and builds like confusion comes from not.

Allowing yourself to say how parts of you actually feel. Oh, my God, that's a statement. Let's pause for effect. Drink some water. Damn. That's a Spirit moment, yep. Okay, so welcome to my TED talk. I mean, I guess that's why people have podcasts, right? It's to share helpful things. My goal is that in this podcast, you get tools to take away for your regular life, right? So let's dive into it. What to do when you feel confused? Because when we're confused, we're not actually taking steps in any direction because we want to make sure they're the right step.

Step this way for plan A, step this way for Plan B, for Step C. Please turn around like, would that we could have it that clearly right and like, sometimes people want 12 steps of their business plan. I'm telling you, as somebody who has been in business for 15 years and has pivoted, renamed her business so many things, so many things you don't know your 12th step. Like, yes, make your business plan. Make you things more like guidelines and actual rules, right?

Like it is a flow and a process and but also, sometimes we get so stuck on making a pretty picture of what it should look like and will look like that we don't actually get to the process of drawing, of actually doing the things. One option for confusion, like, take a step, literally in any direction, maybe not any direction, but like, the amount of stress would be relieved if you just chose Melanie and lair has a phrase I know I've been quoting a lot. It's because I've been listening to a lot of her stuff, um, but she's like, I make a choice, and then I make it the right one. I don't know if I totally agree with this, because sometimes we make a choice, and it was the most aligned choice, or maybe the choice that we could make in the moment, but maybe it wasn't the one we wish we would have taken, right?

But then we can choose again. We can change, we can pivot, we can rotate. We can dance. You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind or not, take them with you. Do whatever you like, but take some freaking action, do something. Because what happens? Okay, think of it like this way. Have Has anybody ever invited you to a restaurant and you're like, where do you want to go? TJ Fridays or Dairy Queen? I don't even know if TJ or Fridays is even okay, but if you're like, oh, I don't know. Like, either sounds good. What do you want? Oh, I don't know either.

A quick way to do this, have somebody pick one flip a coin, and if you feel disappointed by that answer, then go with the other one, right? Sometimes we don't know what we want until we start moving in the world. Oh, whoa. This doesn't actually feel good now that I'm walking in this direction. Sometimes action tells us more than planning ever could, man, oh, man, oh, that's a moment, yes, okay, action tells us more than planning could. Ever could.

Sometimes, sometimes we need to plan it out and be like, Oh, okay, I need to prepare for XYZ, right? If you've listened to my curiosity meditation, you can send curiosity as a scout. It's in my book as well, red thread weaving embodied life of joy. You can find it on Amazon, Kindle and print. Thank goodness. It was out of print for a year, because publishing stuff, but take a step. Just take a step. And if you're like, Oh, but I can't cool, come into embodied and joy my Facebook group, send a message to a friend. Get some accountability and try something, see what works.

Because even if it doesn't work, that's information. It's information that you can use to be like, Oh, I thought that would work because XYZ. I didn't realize that I would need, I don't know, a light bulb or a transformer. I blew out my vacuum because I thought that it was dual voltage. It was not and I killed my vacuum. I wouldn't have known that if I didn't take the action plug it in, granted, no, my vacuum died. But like, I'm just saying. That's really bad reference, but, yeah, terrible metaphor. I'm sorry. But like, Um, okay, for example, when I started doing my energy work ratings virtually. I remember the very first one I did, and I told my friends, and I was like, Hey, I have this idea. I do this in person. I want to see if it translates virtually. Is anybody willing to try out? And a girl said yes, and she got on the call, and she was in the car, and I was like, in my brain, I'm like, we can't do this while she's in the car. Like, this isn't she's not in a cozy space.

She's not set up for success. Like I was. I was judging the situation. I was also judging what spirit could do. You'd be very amazed with spirit could do. Spirits everywhere. Spirit will be like, Oh, I'm in cool. Let's go like spirits, like your wild friend, that's like, Oh, I'm in cool. All spirit needs is an. Invitation. Anyways, Spirit showed up in in the most powerful, potent way. Like, it was amazing, like, my job was on the floor at the end of the session, and so is hers.

Like, we were both like, whoa. Like, that was potent, but I wouldn't have known if I didn't take the action. And there's other things I've tried in sessions, and I'm like, Oh, I don't really like that, or I don't like that, or like the way I started a session or ended, and I'm like, Okay, I like having a kind of a wrap up. What's your favorite part? What's your takeaway? How would you like to close? Do you want a blessing, to wave dance up? Like, I like having those. But I didn't know until I tried it. Sometimes you just gotta try it, right? Like recipes. One time we made a butter beer recipe, Jared, I got all the things for it, and we tried like, 20 different ways to make butter. Beer we found our favorite way.

Just try it. It's okay, your odds of dying, as Julie wells will say, fairly low. Okay. Number two, go for a walk. I remember there was a lot of time on number one. But I think sometimes we get so caught up in actions that we get frozen about taking an action. If an action feels too big, cut it down. How can you lower the stressor by like 10% I think Christian, oh, I can't remember his name. He was at the deconstructing faith summit that Angela, Angela Harrington did in 2023 maybe, but he was, like, lower the expectation, lower the bar by 1020, 30, 50% How can you lower the stakes so that you can take the action?

So if an action feels too big, okay, then, like, put on your big girl pants and be like, cool. We're not doing that. What's a baby or version of that? What's a smaller version of that action that I want to take. Excuse me, cut it up into five smaller bits. What's the next one of that look like? Then do that right? What do you need to support you to do that action? Sometimes you don't have enough capacity to do something because we haven't filled the well, which is a Julia Cameron reference from The Artist's Way, which is such a great book. But basically it's like, sometimes we're not having enough soul nourishment. So we don't have any creative zest.

We're like, I don't have any energy. What are you doing to fuel the well, sure, you might be getting enough rest, but are you getting enough life? Are you living? Are you living, as my dad would say, like, are you happy? Are you like, what are you doing? Like, live. How are you doing anything for fun or to explore? Are you reading any spicy books or writing a book or going in the forest or learning about anything, if not, and it's just serious all the time. Do you see how that gets heavy really quick? We're not bringing any joy, any lightness.

I talk about joy and lightness all the time, not just because it's fun, but because without it, it's hard to breathe. Joy is not a nice to have. It's a need to have if we're actually living, otherwise we're just surviving, and we can do that, but eventually those rims they get scrappy, and sometimes Joy feels hard to find, which is why the second idea of going for a walk is a good one, because on a walk. You're getting out nature you're breathing you're just like oh, okay um I had a teacher in college that was like if you're struggling it was like finals week we're all dying like we're all exhausted she's like go for a walk if you're stuck go for a walk, just 20 minutes at a time or go for a walk, come back Don't think about anything if you can don't put any input. Don't put, like, what do you call them? People, sounds, the talking. Don't put the talking, the talking. Don't put the talking in your ears, like instrumental. Music that's what the word I was looking for.

This is what I get when I record podcasts in the evening, is put instrumental music on or just nothing. Because what happens and the research around this is really cool too, is we actually don't have as much processing time as people back in the olden days. And like this, 1700s 1600s 15 whatever they did, because there was more downtime. We always have noise radios, people TV, music always on, and so sometimes we don't have time to let things click into place of awareness or settling because we're always putting in more input there's not always that.

Quiet processing time that's why getting quiet is nice because it's like oh, it's why sometimes when people sit down, with me in a coaching session, or henna or whatever, and they sit down and they're immediately like, oh, and I'm like, Oh hi, because it's just like their whole selves is catching up to them. So going for a walk allows yourself to catch up to you like that flash we're in the present. So going for a walk is really nice. And then look for beauty. Look for the goodness. Find the birds, find the sounds or the woodpecker or the crunching. Of leaves, or, yeah, what if you go, if you're near forest, like I am right now. There's a forest by my house, and going in every season has been so interesting, like I'm getting to know the the life cycle of nature around me and this land that I'm on, and I just, I love it so much. And it started a cherry blossom season. I saw my first cherry blossom yesterday, and I was like, they're here. They're here.

And it just honestly, and everything in the world right now, it felt like a miracle. I was like, the cherry blossoms have bloomed. Okay. Spring is here. We're gonna be okay. Like, cherry blossoms are only here for, like, two, three weeks, sometimes only a week if there's a bad storm, like, I think it was two years ago. They were only here for like, a week and a half or something, because there was a big Windstorm, and all the blossoms left. And that was it. That was it. They were gone. And so going for a walk can bring our awareness to a what's around us, and it allows your nervous system to reset. If we're walking, we're not running away from a bear, and your nervous system's like, oh, okay, I'm safe. We're walking. We're not sprinting.

There's a difference. So much of this is a body game we get so in our heads, our current reality is so obsessed with logic and heads and knowledge and all this jazz. And then other people are like, it's all in the body. Focus in the body. And it's like, Guys, embodiment is the both in mind, body spirit. You gotta get it all online. Obviously, it doesn't really count. Going on a walk gets us all there. And maybe you're still in your head a little bit, but you're gonna feel your feet touch the ground. Maybe you feel the wind.

I love when it's a kind of slightly windy day. Love putting my hand out, just like you would in a car, but the wind touching it, and I just feel like, I think it was six years ago. I was in Mississippi. I remember I was on a walk, and I felt the wind caress my face, and I felt Spirit speak, and it was like, God, but it was one of the first times God spoke as she and and I was like, crying or something. I was like, I don't even know. And she was like, I'm here. And I just started sobbing. And she's like, every time you feel the wind touch you know that I am here. And ever since then, every time I feel the wind, I just go, Hello, like, it's it's that nice, it's that reset.

And maybe a walk won't feel that sacred for you, and that's okay, but a walk will allow you a processing time, nature, time, breath, time, reset time, thinking time. And if you're like, I can't have nothing in my ears, that's cool. Listen to whatever you want, listen to a podcast, or talk to a friend, or call a friend or whatever, because option three is talk to somebody. This could be me and be like, AJ, I would like to have a coaching call. Cool. Go to my website, thejoy weaver.com, it's all up there. You can book a time in person or virtually. You can call a friend, you can call a mentor. You can text somebody. You can have a chat like you're like, I don't want to call anybody on the phone. Cool. Like, send a voice memo or just text them. You can also, like, if you have a therapist, bring this to your therapist. Like, this is just the idea of talking it out, because sometimes we need an outside perspective, like the constructs we build in our head.

Y'all. And I'll be the first one to admit my husband, when I bring things to him and I'm like, okay, so this happened, and then this happened, and he's like, did they really say that? I'm like, of course they did. And he's like, AJ, and I'm like, Well, okay, they meant it. And he's like, Okay, what did they actually say? And I was like, well, and he's like, Did they say anything? And I'm like, well, and he's like, Oh, AJ. And I'm like, I know, I know, but I feel like they meant and he's like, Okay, what actually happened? I'm like, Well, I didn't say anything.

They didn't say anything, but I felt like the energy was weird, and then I felt bad because I took longer to get my ID out at the checkout counter. He's like, Okay, you feel better now. I was like, Yeah, you know, like, sometimes we just need to be heard, and sometimes we need people to, like, put us in right size perspective. Because sometimes we can make ourselves, like, really big and important when, like, nobody's thinking about us. And sometimes we can make ourselves really miniscule and tiny. We're like, Man, I totally sucked, and I blew this. And then they're like, I literally don't remember you doing that. Like, what are you even talking about?

And we're like, Oh, I thought you were so and they're like, No, totally fine. So like, other people can put things in perspective for us, or something that's really helpful. Where did I learn this from? I think it's Brene Brown, but maybe not. And it's ask for what you need. And I use this all of the time. I use this with my clients too. If you're in WhatsApp containers, you'll vouch for this is like, Hey, you can say whatever you like, but then ask for what you need. Do you want advice? Do you want reflections? Do you want coaching? Do you want like, perspective? Do you like? What do you want? You know? And so sometimes I go to Jared and I'm like, I just need to vent.

Or like, I'm like, I need to be a petty Betty for a minute. He's like, I love petty Betty. AJ, give it to me. And I'm like, Okay, so here's, you know. Or I'm like, Hey, I. Need your like, logic brain on this, because I'm too emotionally attached. And he's like, okay, cool, put it out. Or I just need to vent. Can you just listen and tell me? And I'll tell I'm like, can you just say, AJ, I love you and I'm proud of you, and go take a bath. And so he'll be like, Yeah, I got you. And then he'll be like, I have thoughts. Are you ready? And I was like, No, save them for an hour. He's like, Okay. And then later he'll come back and be like, are you ready for my thoughts? Now? I'm like, I need them gently and like, kind and he's always kind of gentle. He's like, I've never like, he's like, I'm not gonna lecture you. I was like, I know, but I'm just a sensitive soul.

But if we ask for what we need, it makes it easier to receive it, and it allows the other person in advance to know how to listen right where it's like, your Christmas wish list of, hey, here's what I need so that they can meet you there. If you're like, I really, I can't take advice right now. I'm super sensitive about this, but I just need to be heard and, like, told that I didn't totally screw this up. If I did totally screwed up, just like, just love on me real quick, and we can have I totally screwed it up later. But I just, oh, you know. And they'd be like, Oh my gosh, totally. If they do think you screwed up, they could be like, Man, that really sucks. I'm so sorry. That's a really hard situation. I see you, man. What do you need right now?

And you're like, I just need to be loved one. Yeah, yeah. How are you tending to yourself, right? Does that make sense? So talking to someone can help, give perspective advice, help, and sometimes, literally, just talking it out loud helps. And then you're like, oh, like, there are so many times I'll talk to Jer and I'll solve it as I'm explaining the problem to him. And he's like, Cool. Sounds like you got this on? Like, Yep, thanks for listening. He's like, not a problem, you know? Okay, so our, that was three, okay, our fourth one, I love, I love tool conversations that are just the best. Okay, the fourth one is your journal. I stutter because I was like journal slash like word vomit. They're two different things.

So stick with me here. Some people get really squirrelly about journaling. And by some people, I mean a lot of people, if you're like, I love journaling. I love this for you, good job. You're one of the people who are squarely about journaling, and you're like, that's me. AJ, why are you calling me out? It's because I know you. I work with you. I see you. I see this all the time. Here's what happens when people are like, Oh, journaling.

They either get flashbacks to childhood when people went through their journals or adulthood, or they're like, I haven't used any of my journals, and then I don't know what to write in them, and then I gotta write the perfect thing in it next. Or they're like, Oh, I gotta be like, Dear Diary, today is the 13th day next. Or they're like, but I don't have the right pen next. Like, y'all are making journaling so complicated that you never actually journal, and then you don't get any of the benefits. So here's what's up. We're trashing it all. You're getting whatever journal. Close your eyes, pick, I don't care. Grab whatever pen. Doesn't matter if you need a rip out paper. If you're like, I can't touch any of my journals because the bar is too high. Access points, remember, if it feels out of reach, lower the bar. I have, like, $1 things from like the grocery store. What do you want? Yeah, the store. I've got sketched books and random stuff. I've got five different journals all around the house.

Because I just word vomit, I just trash journal. Morning pages is fabulous, by Julie Cameron, artist way again, and that's like three pages in the morning that you like brain dump. And sometimes they do that, and honestly, sometimes they don't. Sometimes they journal at the end of the night. Sometimes I journal one pages, sometimes I journal five pages. It depends what I like to do it every morning like clockwork, like I did for quite a long while. Yes, yes, I would do I every day, absolutely not because I wake up early and I go to the gym, right?

My access point is lower. Instead of doing it in the morning, and then I'm like, I never do it in the morning, and then I'm kicking myself all day because I didn't do my journal in the morning. I do it at like, 10am or I do it at night, and I don't make it mean anything. So often, when we get stuck, when we get confused, it's because we're putting story on things. We're making it mean something no Barbara, done with that. We do not need the story, narration of how much you suck because you haven't done something the proper way. Next. Just, I want to dare you to if you find yourself being like, Oh, but I should do journaling like this. I want you literally to be in your most teenage, bored voice. Just be like, next. Thank you. Next, like, You got any opinions better than that?

Next, okay, I'm gonna write this down, because AJ said to like, I need your like effort energy in this with the journaling. We need to not take ourselves so seriously. Because when we take ourselves so seriously, and then it means this, and that's because this trauma response is then this, and then this, and then the layers, and then I've got to sort through this with five years of therapy next. I mean, also therapy is really great. I love therapy. I've been in therapy. Probably go back to therapy in Mississippi, because we've got America to deal with. But when you get so heavy about it, it makes it impossible to move. Through when you make things buildings instead of stepping stones instead of things you need to work around work through it's like you need a whole construction crew versus like puddle jumpers like does not make sense so don't make it complicated so when you journal especially if you're journaling confusion we are not fancy repeat after me. We are not getting fancy about, we are not getting official about we are not none stop, stop. Barbara.

Now, if you don't know who Barbara is, Barbara is what I call my inner critic, and what I just automatically call other people's inner critic, or people who are being skeptical about the work that I teach without actually trying. It so if you needed that context so you're gonna grab your journal or printer paper I could care less, and set a timer three minutes five minutes a whole page and just write whatever is on your brain just brain dump put it on there if you're like I don't know what to write cool write that down.

I don't know what to write I'm here and I'm writing because I feel confused. Oh, and then write yourself a question, what do you feel confused about? Well, Shandra, I'm glad you asked today. I'm feeling confused about write it out. Write all the things. Write run on sentences. Who cares about grammar? If you've read my book, you know that I am a run on sentence girl. The amount of sentences I had to create after I wrote the whole book, a lot, a lot of periods I had to replace with Thomas no vice versa. So like, just write it all. And thing that happens, the thing the magic here, two things, three things, actually, but wait, there's more. Ah, I love it.

I love journaling, because the words stop moving in your brain. If you have a brain anything like me, I have a neuro, spicy brain, like a lot of people, and also this world is just very long. Journaling makes the words stop. When you journal your thoughts on paper, you can actually address them and be like, Oh, that's a weird thing to say. Or do I actually think that is that actually what I think, Oh, I hadn't realized that I'm telling y'all the things that I have written down, and then go, oh, like, oh, what? Like, oh, I didn't realize I felt that. Way like, completely surprised after I wrote it down that i i wrote that, and I was like, oh, whoa. Okay.

And then I'll usually write, like, what else is here? Like, I'll ask myself that question, and then I'll just keep journaling, like, let it all out, and then you can look back and read through it from that kind of observer that, like, big soul self lens. Does that make sense? So journaling in that way is really helpful, because it's just emptying the brain. Because, remember, our brains are hoarders. Our brains are holding on to everything, and our brains are wired to keep us safe. Brenda is wired to keep us safe. Brenda Barbara. I call her Brenda and Barbara like they're wired to keep us safe.

So if we can keep this in mind, when we're journaling, we're like washing our brain like it's like an energetic reset, because you're just, like, flushing the just getting it all on paper so that there's more space in your brain. If you're like, I don't really believe that that's cool. Just try it. Try it, try it. And if it doesn't work, cool, come back, report back. But I'm telling you, set a timer for five minutes and you journal, you'll feel a little better. You might feel like, heavier or like, Ooh, there's a lot of stuff here, but you're gonna feel clearer and a little bit cleaner. Does that make sense?

Okay? I promise I will work on saying, Does that make sense less? It's just usually, when I'm teaching, I can see people and they nod, or they give me the No, and then I know to elaborate or not, so that's why I say that. Okay, the other part of this, and you might hate me for this, but that's okay. Hear me out when we write with our hands scientifically proven it does something different in our brains than when we're typing this and I'm saying this as someone who cannot always write sometimes my hands freeze up to this day which honestly freaks me out.

Sometimes, if I'm being honest, sometimes we can't always do the things right. So we find our access point. Sometimes I cannot write with a pencil. If I had a big hen a day, or something like that, or I did a lot of computer work, that handwriting is not happening that day so maybe if I've got some hand usage I'll grab a marker and I'll journal with a fat marker and I'll just like scribble we're all voice to text from my phone, any emails I send most texts most things, it's all done. Dictation device, I don't type very much except for what I have to like, I usually voice to text. So if you have to voice to text journal, cool.

Or if you're like, hey, I want to type it out on my computer that's fine, too. But I'm just saying there is some magic to be had in hand writing the things. There's a connection between your hand moving and your brain. So that does something the science says. So this is also why I was very grieved when I couldn't use my hands and my hands were in braces for three months. Is because I couldn't journal, and I felt way more stuck and confused than I usually did, because even though I was word vomiting, I was spring cleaning, I was doing these other tools, I couldn't journal like I usually did, to get that same clarity, something to it. Just trust me, just try. Just try it for a week. Just try for a week. See what happens, report back, put in the comments. Okay, the last tool, yeah, yeah, there's another tool, but that takes longer.

It's called spring cleaning. It's by mama Gina. It's in her book, School of womanly arts, and she explains it. And you kind of hold space. You get asked the same question for seven minutes, but that's like, a whole it's a whole tool that needs a whole teaching. So we're not going to touch that today, but that's what I was going to say next. So if you're like, what were you going to say? That's, that's what that was. So you can go research mama Gina g e n, a spring cleaning. If you Google it, I'm sure something will pop up. Anyways, okay, word vomit. This is to yourself in a car. If you're like, the journaling thing, it's not happening, cool, lower the bar. Just word vomit out loud. Sometimes we just gotta, like, verbally posh us, like I'll just talk as I'm doing laundry. Or actually, I need to let me write that down. I need to do.

I literally put the soap and I went to go upstairs to get more laundry and put it in. I hadn't but when you're word vomiting out loud, sometimes you're processing out loud and you're thinking, and you might say stuff that surprises you, which is why, also, if you're word vomiting, it's kind of nice to have a phone on you or something nearby that you can take notes, because sometimes you might say something that surprises you, and you're like, oh, oh, I forgot about XYZ. Like, how I just did the laundry, right? I'm not that.

I'm word vomiting this podcast, because I have this written out essentially in front of me in this tool sheet, reference sheet that I made. But I am riffing on each one. I'm not reading it line by line. There's things I'm saying here that I've written down to put in the tool sheet, because I was oh, yeah, and XYZ. Does that make sense? So word vomit can help us make those connections, especially if you have a web brain like I do, where you see how things are connected, and there's like, oh, because XYZ. That's why I'm feeling like that. Because, okay, that makes sense.

If you're like, I'd feel weird doing this in public or in a car or by myself. Cool, put your headphones in. People think you're on a phone or something like that. Or be like, I'm working on a play and I'm working out the different characters. And they're like, oh, okay, because if you can feel your different parts speak up, of like, part that's feeling really anxious and the part that's like, angry and the part that's excited, you can let each of them speak and just be like, okay, hey, anxiety. What's up? You know? Or, like, I have mixed feelings about calling something like anxiety or depression, unless that's something you you deal with, because then it's like, we're playing that's a whole different conversation.

But I'm just saying, Be aware of the words you're using on yourself, right? Words have power of like, okay, this anxious part that's feeling anxious, right? Or this part that's feeling depressed. What's here? What do you want to hear? Does that make sense? The difference of that versus something that's like here and tangible again, everybody's experience is different. I'm just saying it might give you more space to address it, that you can grow or deal with it without it feeling like a big thing.

So things to think about. I'm not. I'm just like, yeah, depression, anxiety, mental illness is real, and sometimes when we have these different feelings, taking the scale level down, pushing out, staying rooted and grounded and like your soul is good. Spirit has your back to be like, Hi. Why is this heaviness here? What's going on when we can identify it by texture, sensation, feeling in our body and what it's feeling like. It can allow us to have that conversation, versus, okay, this is this big thing. Does that make more sense?

So, yay, mental health, taking care of ourselves, all of that jazz, take your meds, drink your water. I'm here for medicine and for our essential oils, like whole spectrum, right? We're not doing the either or situation. Okay? Those are the big, big things. And the last thing I'm going to say is, like, tune in.

And sometimes when we're confused, this is hard, so that's why I'm not leading with this. But like, if you can lean back into spirit, if you have that skill, if you have that ability to tap in and tune in, if you've done tap root work with me of like, hey, like, what's your knowing? What's your like, aligned goodness, when you feel spirit, when you're like, Oh, hi, that sacred space, right? If you can feel that, if you got that tangible memory that you can loop back into, just sit there. So often when we're confused, we're trained to like you. Sort everything and problem solve and like, sometimes when we're confused, we just need to be held.

We just need to be held. Maybe you can hold yourself. And she's being like, hey, yeah, this is a lot. This is a lot. You are good, you are kind, you are worthy of goodness, like whatever words you want to speak over yourself. I often close my sessions with blessings, because my clients ask for them, and there's this calm that comes over them as they receive a blessing, as they remember, you know, like remember who they are and allow those words to sink over them. There's a clarity that comes from saying these things can be hard. My soul is good. I'm here on a reason and a purpose, not to save all the things but enough.

Don't get into that story just I'm here on purpose. I'm not a mistake. I can do the next straight thing. Maybe I need a nap or a snack, right? I sometimes I tell people like, okay, maybe we need a snack, a snack, snack or a nap or an orgasm. Jesus. Hecate, like we need something like, Hey, here's here's our little laundry list of options, right Hall Show episode two, because that can also lead to confusion and overwhelm and then reaching for unhealthy coping mechanisms. And that's a whole other episode about coping mechanisms and healthy and healthy the spectrum. But be tender and gentle with yourself, guys. This is a really, really loud world we're living in. If you're feeling confused, then just like, literally put your hands up and say okay, and say it out loud. I'm feeling confused and overwhelmed right now. What do I need? What do I need in this moment?

Like, go preschool teacher on yourself. What do I need in this moment? I think I need a moment. I think I need to stretch. I'm telling you guys, if you want to stretch with me right now, if you can, if it's safe, to stretch, to take five seconds roll your neck, you'll be like, oh, like, I just did that. I'm like, Oh, that feels better. We don't realize how much we're holding in our bodies, until sometimes we actually acknowledge how much we're holding in our bodies. And then we're like, oh. And then it's like, everything's like, oh. It like expands. It's like a loaf of dough. It's just, right, it rises, and we're like, oh. And sometimes you gotta, like, punch it down, not in that way, but like, you punch it so it can bake, so it gets clear, so like, K make it smaller.

What's our small pieces that we can do? What's our pinky toe wiggling that we're gonna do to be like, okay, hey, I see you, we can't solve all of this, but how can we make this more accessible, more doable for us? It's the little TLC moment, right? Okay, that was a lot of information I gave you. I hope it would you want? No, I know that that was helpful for the people who needed to hear it, and I hope that it resonates in a way that you can let it land in the way that you need to. I appreciate you listening so much. If this was helpful for you, please tag a friend that you think would listen, or send it to a friend or post it on your socials, things like that.

Like that helps spread the word. I'm just here for us having tools to be more embodied humans as we do this life together. There's a lot of information out there about how the right way to be human is, and I think it looks different for each person, and what works for me might be different for you, which is why I like giving multiple options, right? But you don't know what works for you until you practice it, until you try it out. And if you've got tips, if you're like, Hey, you didn't mention XYZ, please, please send I am like fiend. One of my strengths finder is input. I'm like, It's input, teacher and activator. Like, go figure, and optimism.

I think optimism is the other but like, if you're like, Oh, hey, this is really cool resource about XYZ, or I'd love for you to share about whatever. Send it my way, please, because we all grow together in this. We're all learning together. One of my favorite things about red tent is when we have our opening circle about, okay, what comes up for you around change, what comes up for you around dreams, what comes up for you around curiosity and people sharing? It's like, oh, that's a really good point. I hadn't even thought about that before. We all are in this together, and so let's be tender and gentle with ourselves this week, as my friend Susie would say, and know that I love you and I'm proud of you.

If nobody's told you that this week, like, good job. I see you doing the thing I see you doing the next right step, and this week, how can we refine the way that we're showing up with ourselves with less guilt and less shame and more curiosity, more compassion, more pleasure, more. Like, Oh, hello. More delight, more openness. Because if we take that lens of, Oh, I bet you know if you're like, kind of hopping in an observer mode, big soul self mode, I bet Aj is doing her best in this moment. Okay, if I can assume that, okay. What happened? Why is this all over the place? Oh, because she thought, like, if you can almost, like, watch yourself in a play, scoot back a little bit and be like, what's going on in this situation? Oh, she's very tired. Oh, she forgot dinner. Oh, that makes sense. Okay, we need to go eat.

Then it's like, okay, I need to go eat. I need to not touch my phone. I need to, let's go grab a book. But it does that make sense. So let me know how this is resonating with you. Send me a message on Facebook, the joy Weaver, on Instagram, Facebook or email. But just go, team go. Yeah, I just, I want you to know that I see you doing the thing. I see you showing up, and it's just really cool. So sing your soul song, may you be blessed with what you know, blessed with what you do, blessed with where you go, blessed with what you say, and above all, be blessed with who you are, because you're a gift to me and many others, amen, amen. So maybe see you next week, friends.